Happy Freaking Thanksgiving Y'all

Over the past few weeks, I have watched post after post on Facebook of what people are thankful for during this season of Thanksgiving.  There's a part of me that's cynical about all these posts, but then there's the other part of me that enjoys seeing people's gratitude.  So here's my list; it may not be as pretty as the ones posted on FB, but it's real....

1. I am grateful for the jerk that came to work at my office in March.  I am now 100% sure I will quit by the time Alli graduates.  I may not done that before he came because sometimes when we are comfortable we forget to follow our dreams.
 
2.  I am grateful that today I am on call.  I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving.  I was adopted.  A few years ago, I walked into my mother's home on Thanksgiving eve. I had been invited again to someone else's family Thanksgiving.  As I listened and looked around I thought to myself "Who the hell are these people and why am I here?"  Last year, I cooked and they all came here.  That felt awkward.  Today, I am invited out to three different homes for Thanksgiving.  I am "stuck" here because I am on call.  Next year someone else will be on call.  I hope they find the gratitude in being "stuck". 

3.  I am grateful that the past 13 years I have been divorced and that I am not remarried.  I had a choice 13 years ago stay or to leave.  I left...with my daughters and not much else except knowing that I had done the right thing.  The past 13 years were hard....sometimes I think I made it harder than it had to be.  I made some screw ups, but screw ups aside, these kids of mine are freaking amazing!

4.  I am grateful that I am freezing downstairs watching Grey's Anatomy on Thanksgiving day with my little dog next to me covered up by the quilt my little Granny made.  The rest of my adopted family kept trying to change me or never really quite got me, but my little Granny gave me bubble baths with Ivory soap, made me quilts out of my curtains, made me Barbie clothes, fed me noodle soup, sweet rice and kolaches.  She didn't speak English very good.  She didn't have a lot of money, she didn't drive, but she loved ME. 

5.  I am grateful that this time next year I don't know where I will be living or where I will be working and that both my daughters will be at college.  It's a little scary feeling, but it also feels exciting!  Change me Divine Beloved into one who can believe that everything is already lined up and ready for me...all I need to do is follow the path ahead. 

6.  I am grateful that at my weight (which is not small) that I stood on stage in a red skirt and a red shirt that was too small ("It stretches.  Just keep going!") belly dancing to a song titled Drama Queen and I felt beautiful for the first time in my life...really, really beautiful...deep in my skin beautiful...deep in my soul beautiful.  This is in part thanks to my sweet friends who encouraged me to "dance on table tops" and to a lovely belly dancing instructor...friend...who with her joyous kind heart helped me heal years and years of self hate.  Even though I don't remember much about belly dancing that night on stage...something changed in me forever.  (The Spirituality of Belly Dancing)

Happy Freaking Thanksgiving Y'all.