48 hours left before my oldest daughter moves out of state to college. My emotions are raw. For 2 days, I have cried off and on. How do I let go of her? How do I do this? It's not going the way I wanted it to all go. Things I wanted to say or write or buy her before she left. I haven't done them and some things I don't know if I can do them because they cost money. It breaks my heart.
This morning at church the reading was about the woman begging Jesus to help her child inflicted with demons. Jesus disregarded her. But like a mother, she fought fiercely for her child. That's what we mother's do. We fight fiercely for our children. I fought for her to go to this college out of state because it was her dream. Now, I am second guessing myself. I wanted to get out of town when I was 18 and not look back. I didn't. She's doing it right; going away to college. She is living her dreams and no one will stop her. She's fierce. I don't feel so fierce. I don't think I was ever fierce except when it came to protecting my daughters. I never lived my life fiercely.
On the way home from the gym, I heard a lovely Bonnie Bishop version of "If I Needed You". At first I thought of my daughter, if she needed me I would run to her. But what if I need her and her fierceness? I am just so proud of her. Can I really do this? Is there a choice?
If I Needed You - Bonnie Bishop
